How I Overcame Self-Hatred and Lost Over 100 lbs

Stress Reduction, Breathing, Water, Sunshine, Walking, Fruits, Vegetables, Yoga, Meditation, Love, Community, Laughter, Dreams, Perseverance, Purpose, Humility, Action

I was born in the deep south, in Mobile, Alabama, also known as the Azalea City because of the vibrant landscapes colored by these beautiful flowers. I had been adopted away from an abusive family situation, and had almost died twice as a toddler. I grew up on a small, dirt road in the country, and my family had few resources, so college was seemingly not an option. I had no connections, no education, few positive role models, and making matters worse, my self-esteem had been crushed through years of secreted childhood bullying and abuses, which would take me decades to overcome. What I remember the most about my childhood is constant fear -- and "good food."

I was raised in a culture of quietly "polite" judgments; a pressure-cooker of seething hatred, prejudice, violence and ignorance. But hey, the catfish and fried chicken were amazing!

I was raised in a culture of quietly "polite" judgments; a pressure-cooker of seething hatred, prejudice, violence and ignorance. But hey, the catfish and fried chicken were amazing! I was never really taught about healthy eating. To the contrary, my cultural inheritance was learning to "treat yourself" at "special occasions" by gorging on every horribly delicious food you can imagine. I don't want to get into the greasy, buttery, deep-fried, fatty, sugary, meaty, barbecued details here, but let's just say if gluttony really is the second deadly sin, then I knew a lot of people on their way to hell. With no knowledge of positive psychology, real foods or healthy lifestyles, time took its toll on me, and the invincibility of my youth diminished as my gut and waist-line expanded.

Much later in life, I found myself living (dying) in a suburban basement, like a hunchback shut-in, not leaving for months at a time because of embarrassment and chronic pain. It was really bad, and sad. I had no one to help me with my plight. I cried out for help to those closest to me, but my pleading was met with cold detachment and uncaring. There was a time when I was really worried and afraid that I was going to die, because I was so unhealthy. I could not even walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath. I was truly and frighteningly, unwell. I was on my own and I was debilitated. I felt old and tired, and I could see the grave rapidly approaching. My body had become an entombment of fat covering the pain and loneliness of a broken heart and spirit. Hope and life seemed very distant.

My body had become an entombment of fat covering the pain and loneliness of a broken heart and spirit. Hope and life seemed very distant.

But there was something still in me; a dream I had always dreamt of living a beautiful life. I had a calling in my heart; a great calling for a great work. But, to carry out my calling I would need strength and vitality, both things that seemed so far away. I longed to be free of the bodily pain, stiffness and decrepitude. I remember when I was just a little boy running around bare-foot on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere Alabama. I may have been a hick, but I could run! At dusk, often on my way home, I would run bare-foot through a five acre field of dew-covered grass. I was running wildly on the tips of my toes with such speed, that all I could hear was the loud winds blowing in my ears. I felt like Mercury, or an Indian brave, and my energy seemed inexhaustible. I could run like the wind; feeling my power rushing through me. I wanted that joyous, youthful vigor and spring back.

One of the first steps to achieving wellness for me, was learning humility. To abuse the gift of life and one’s own precious body is a form of extreme arrogance and self-hatred. So one of the keys for me was reacquainting myself with the beautiful gifts that exist, for those who have respect, gratitude and appreciation for all that is available to heal and sustain our bodies. I also made a very deliberate decision that I wanted to live life with health and vigor. I decided I wanted the energy and vitality to do and experience all of the wondrous things in life that are available to all people. I wanted the strength and stamina to lead a life of activity, exploration and true excellence. Ultimately it came down to me deciding whether I wanted to advance toward the grave in a state of decrepit stupor, or rise and advance in life as a fresh, vital being, full of youthful energy and joy.

But I realized that I was at WAR with my OWN body.

In my quest for understanding, I realized something very important one day. That the human body is an unfathomable and miraculous microcosm of divine order. The intelligence, complexity and order of even a single cell rivals that of a large modern city. Our bodies love us! Just think about it. The universe within--your trillions of cells all cooperate in a grand orchestration to serve and heal you. Your cells work around the clock in total unison and harmony cleaning, repairing, restoring and nourishing your entire physical being. Every person’s body wants nothing more than to cooperate with them in achieving optimal health. But I realized that I was at WAR with my OWN body. I was waging a terrible war of violence against my body by bombarding it with stress, toxic environments, lack of sleep, and the most terrible and dreadful toxic foods known to man, otherwise known as, the modern American diet and lifestyle. When you are obese, you are chronically diseased and you are moving toward the grave at a rapid pace. My body had become completely addicted to heavy greases, oils, animal fats, highly refined carbohydrates, sugars, salts and an endless array of toxic chemicals. All of these self-inflicted bodily assaults kept my body's own rescue and repair mechanisms overloaded and unable to keep up with my deteriorating state.

I discovered that simply by getting out of my own body’s way, and letting it do its job, and cooperating with my body, IT would heal itself from the dreadfully debilitating sickness of obesity. To lose weight I did very little outside of gentle and peaceful cooperation with the inherent wisdom and intelligence of my own body. Through meditation and gentle cooperation, the body will heal itself with little or no effort. When we are at peace with ourselves the total expression of that true peace includes our outer being; our body. Losing weight and being healthy is so simple and easy. Your goal should never be weight-loss, but rather to have true health and respect for the gift of life.

I know intimately the deep struggles and perseverance it takes to reclaim your health, because I have been there. This is not theoretical for me. I have personally lost over 100 pounds and shrank my waist from a size 48/50" to 30". I freed myself from all medications and healed all of my dis-eases: extreme obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, borderline diabetes, bad cholesterol, extreme acid reflux, candida, stiffness, glaucoma, arthritis, bursitis, knee and joint pain, gout, angina, insomnia, breathlessness, fatigue, chronic back problems, post nasal drip and sleep apnea. I believe I have extended my life by decades, reversing my heart condition, and clearing my arteries. I healed myself with totally natural methods, and I now have the energy, vitality, stamina and flexibility of a healthy twenty-year old.

It is never too late to love yourself again. Don't give up. You can accomplish almost anything, if you really want it.

What one person can do, another can do. You can reclaim your life and get back on track to becoming your full potential. It is never too late to love yourself again. Don't give up. You can accomplish almost anything, if you really want it. Let me be your proof that it is possible. Start educating yourself and learn how to take proper care of yourself through self-love. I will be here to support you with the best information I can provide, to help you on your journey. The unification of the mind, spirit and body is the triad of focus that gives one the clarity and resolve to deliver. I have used these, and many other techniques to completely transform my body and my life. My strength, vitality and health are important parts of my secret to how I live a life of activity, exploration and creative excellence. And now, it's your turn!

Possibility: question everything -- an interview with lifebyme.com

Throughout my life, I’ve questioned everything. I don't believe any of it (the ugliness and negativity) and I don’t accept any of it, but I’m not angry or rebellious. I’m a joy-filled soul, and I joyfully reject it all.

For me, questioning is about throwing off lies and illusions and seeking out the essential truth of what it means to be a human being. It’s about living as a happy human being in truth.

Essential truth represents what things were before they were corrupted by modern life (and its ignorance). Finding essential truth involves uncovering the foundation of possibility that has been buried beneath thousands of years of lies and misconceptions.

Most of us are sleepwalking and don’t know it. We work in meaningless jobs at corporations which feed off of our energy. Then we’re bombarded with manipulation through fruitless consumerism and mindless entertainment.

We’ve been distracted from our power, but we can take that power back and create a beautiful world. We can decide to take a radical departure from what we accept as reality. There’s a place inside each of us that cannot be coerced to think a certain way or behave a certain way. Just beyond the horizon of the so-called impossible is infinite possibility. Anyone can find it if they choose to wake-up.

One of the most essential things I’ve done is turn off the TV. TV is such a powerful weapon of mass distraction and psychological programming. Basically, I turned off the conditioning. I decided I didn’t want to live life vicariously through fictional characters on TV. I don’t need to be entertained. Life is my entertainment.

Turn off the TV and start living. Start looking around. Question everything, including yourself. Have the courage to question yourself.

Don’t worry about what other people think. That’s been another important step for me in escaping the gravity of mediocrity. I had an epiphany. I realized that one day I’m going to die and no one is going to die for me. I’ve got to face death alone, so I surely don’t want anyone telling me how to live while I’m alive.

What we see in today’s society is all a choice. We’re each authors of this experience called life. We can create a world where we have more joy, where we’re the wonderful expression of unique possibility that is humanity. I deeply wish wonder, excitement and creative joy for every soul. Everyone should have a beautiful space to live in.

Identity: Expressionist, Writer, Poet, Photog, Artist, Entrepreneur

I had the title Poet and maybe I was one for awhile, also the title singer was kindly afforded me, even though I could barely carry a tune. For many years I was known as a monk. I shaved my head and wore robes and got up very early. I hated everyone, but I acted generously and no one found me out. ~Leonard Cohen

*Expressionist* / Writer, Poet, Photographer, Artist \ *Entrepreneur*

He who knows nothing is nearer to the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors.~Thomas Jefferson

Accumulated knowledge, misconceptions and experiences. A cluttered and complex mind. Connections and passages like bad plumbing. The mess of a broken machine.

"I am dangerously open to all points of view. Are you dangerously open, or safely closed?"

Figures, People, Topics and Movies of Interest

Some of my Favorite Documentaries

Here is a partial list of some of my favorite documentaries. Please share anything in the comments that you think I would enjoy watching.