<!-- bryant-content-generator:start --> # So blame precisely, because the imprecise version... > So blame precisely, because the imprecise version of this blame is what is keeping you up at four in the morning. You were not left because you were insufficient; your worth was never the variable in the equation. The variable was the cost of the conversation, and the cost was set by how many people would hear about it, and the answer was none, and that answer was true on the day you met him, which is the part that should make you angry at the right thing. {{You were never the thing he priced. He priced the explanation, and you had made it free.}} The relief is that the mystery is over: there was no revelation about you, no discovery of your flaws, no better woman who explained you to him, only a ledger that closed the moment the harvest was complete and the exit was free, and a person who deletes every account rather than say one sentence has told you the sentence anyway. The instrument follows from the mechanism: a relationship with no shared coalition has no exit price, so entangle the coalitions, make the love witnessed, make his people your people and your people his, because every animal that has ever stayed stayed because leaving was expensive, and no animal that has ever left was stopped by how much it was loved. {{Love does not keep anyone. Cost keeps them. Build the cost, or accept that you are living with a wild thing that will one day simply not come back to the tree.}} {{Nothing about the disappearance was inhuman. It was the most human thing he ever did: he found where you were cheap, and he was not there anymore.}} **Source:** [[books/Chimping Out|Chimping Out]] ## Share on Social Media ``` “So blame precisely, because the imprecise version of this blame is what is keeping you up at four in the morning. You were not left because you were insufficient; your worth was never the variable in the equation. The variable was the cost of the conversation, and the cost was set by how many people would hear about it, and the answer was none, and that answer was true on the day you met him, which is the part that should make you angry at the right thing. You were never the thing he priced. He priced the explanation, and you had made it free. The relief is that the mystery is over: there was no revelation about you, no discovery of your flaws, no better woman who explained you to him, only a ledger that closed the moment the harvest was complete and the exit was free, and a person who deletes every account rather than say one sentence has told you the sentence anyway. The instrument follows from the mechanism: a relationship with no shared coalition has no exit price, so entangle the coalitions, make the love witnessed, make his people your people and your people his, because every animal that has ever stayed stayed because leaving was expensive, and no animal that has ever left was stopped by how much it was loved. Love does not keep anyone. Cost keeps them. Build the cost, or accept that you are living with a wild thing that will one day simply not come back to the tree. Nothing about the disappearance was inhuman. It was the most human thing he ever did: he found where you were cheap, and he was not there anymore.” — Bryant McGill https://bryantmcgill.com/passages/passages-blame-precisely-imprecise-found-cheap-anymore ``` <!-- bryant-content-generator:end -->