<!-- bryant-content-generator:start --> # The humiliating part is discovering how often... > The humiliating part is discovering how often affection has almost nothing to do with the calculation. {{Love is not a substitute for deterrence. Someone can love you and still harm you whenever harming you remains cheaper than restraining themselves.}} [[reminders/Deterrence/Love Is Not a Substitute for Deterrence by Bryant McGill|∴]] Families do this, lovers do this, employers do this, friends do this, institutions do this, and whole societies do it whenever the suffering imposed on somebody else has been priced below the convenience, pleasure, status, territory or advantage gained by imposing it. {{Your kindness should never become the discount another person receives for hurting you.}} [[reminders/Behavioral Pricing/Kindness Must Not Discount the Price of Hurting You by Bryant McGill|∴]] {{Forgiveness without repricing—in other words, without changed consequences—can become a subsidy for repetition.}} [[reminders/Behavioral Pricing/Forgiveness Without Repricing Can Subsidize Repetition by Bryant McGill|∴]] {{Reconciliation without repricing—without changing the access that made the harm affordable—is renewed access at the old rate.}} [[reminders/Behavioral Pricing/Reconciliation Without Repricing Restores Access at the Old Rate by Bryant McGill|∴]] The sentimental interpretation asks why someone who loved you could keep doing something that hurt you; pricing literacy asks the more useful and more insulting question: what exactly did hurting you cost them? {{The question after betrayal is not merely whether they loved you. The uglier question is what they believed it would cost them to betray you.}} [[reminders/Behavioral Pricing/The Price They Expected to Pay for Betrayal by Bryant McGill|∴]] **Source:** [[books/Chimping Out|Chimping Out (a new book under development)]] ## Share on Social Media ``` “The humiliating part is discovering how often affection has almost nothing to do with the calculation. Love is not a substitute for deterrence. Someone can love you and still harm you whenever harming you remains cheaper than restraining themselves. ∴ Families do this, lovers do this, employers do this, friends do this, institutions do this, and whole societies do it whenever the suffering imposed on somebody else has been priced below the convenience, pleasure, status, territory or advantage gained by imposing it. Your kindness should never become the discount another person receives for hurting you. ∴ Forgiveness without repricing—in other words, without changed consequences—can become a subsidy for repetition. ∴ Reconciliation without repricing—without changing the access that made the harm affordable—is renewed access at the old rate. ∴ The sentimental interpretation asks why someone who loved you could keep doing something that hurt you; pricing literacy asks the more useful and more insulting question: what exactly did hurting you cost them? The question after betrayal is not merely whether they loved you. The uglier question is what they believed it would cost them to betray you. ∴” — Bryant McGill https://bryantmcgill.com/passages/passages-humiliating-part-discovering-believed-cost-betray ``` <!-- bryant-content-generator:end -->